When Another Person’s Choice Becomes Personal

Richard Israel

  This POST has been moved to NEW Garden -- PLEASE visit! https://autumns-garden.com/revisiting-death-with-dignity/

Lessons I Didn't Know I was Learning

My Father and Son 

When I read Operating Instructions for Raising Children  I remembered one of the craziest parts of  our marriage – raising little people. And no instruction manual came with them!  It was a rollercoaster ride: scary and fun, and over too soon. I remember that bittersweet moment when I knew the little people were grown-ups with issues beyond my power to help them solve. 

Our kids face tough hurdles – and while nothing is new under the sun – theirs seem higher and trickier than the ones that we faced. The world then couldn’t invade our home via a hand-held device! What wisdom can I pass along to them, when I don’t know where the icloud really is. 

 I got to thinking about how or what  the “older generation” in my life might have thought about our issues.  Nobody ever offered me unsolicited advice, but, I thought I’d just repeat the counsel they seldom spoke.

My father spoke rarely about God. However, he sometimes hoped I would remember to thank “the Man Upstairs”;  said grace before our meals; took instruction in, joined and  went to church. He was always interested in me and my family.

My mother’s last words according to a friend, before my mother dropped dead, were “My Lord will take care of me.” She had changed her life around; she read her Bible, and she went to church. She was always interested in me and my family. Her sister, my dear Aunt Virginia, who also changed her life, told me, when I was about to embark on a really unwise escapade: “Don’t ever be too proud to admit you were wrong.” She, too, was always interested in me and my family.

My mother-in-law  and mother also advised  expressing as few opinions  to adult children as possible and to be helpful.  She went to church regularly – even when her health was frail.  She was always interested in her son and his family.  Her brother copes with chronic pain honestly, but cheerfully, and in the spirit that God is good, even in his pain and suffering. He loves the Scriptures, and he goes to church.   He is always interested in our family

My father’s mother gave me no advice – but she made a point of playing “The Old Rugged Cross” the few times I heard her play the piano.  She went to church.  She wrote me a few letters.

My great uncle and aunt, who raised my mom after her mother died, never gave me advice, but they gave me a Bible.  And they went to church I was told.

My older family taught other life lessons – some more cautionary than others.  However,  what they taught and how they taught stuck:

Be interested in your family. Be grateful to God; go to church; cherish the Cross of Christ; swallow your pride and admit your transgressions; say little, do good when you can, and the Bible is a gift worth giving – and reading.

 In it, I hear a promise: My children, and their children are loved with an everlasting love, and underneath are God’s everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33: 27) They can’t fall beyond His reach. (Elisabeth Elliot)

More Life Lessons from Several Relatives

The Internet and Faith

Source: technologyreview.com

If the number crunchers are right, Americans are walking away from religion – we prefer being spiritual – without the ball and chain of the GOD of the Bible. What’s happening?   

Allen Downey, a computer scientist at the Olin College of Engineering in Massachusetts, . . .  says that the demise [of religion] is the result of several factors but the most controversial of these is the rise of the Internet. He concludes that the increase in Internet use in the last two decades has caused a significant drop in religious affiliation . . .

The drop in religious upbringing and the increase in Internet use seem to be causing people to lose their faith. But something else about modern life that is not captured in this data is having an even bigger impact. What can that be? . . . (How the Internet is Taking Away America's Religion)

An intriguing question –

We resisted getting on the Internet – mindful of its benefit, but fearing its power to distract our kids.  Well guess who got really distracted when we finally connected? (!)

Me!

Connecting in 1996, our business plans changed, as we evolved into marketing and selling our publications online, and I found the wonder of discussion boards. Logging into them, I found both comfort and conflict -- and I spent way too much time conversing with people in cyberspace, most often debating what I believed and why! These conversations became almost as important to me as everyday interactions! In time I laid aside debating – but communicating through my computer consumes a huge chunk of time – as I still hammer out what I think and why.

Wait . . . I hammer out what I think . . .

I . . . the first letter in idolatry, is it not? Could it be, that with as much evidence for debunking religion that the Internet provides, it is also a means and end for ignoring the simple requests God makes:

·      Look at the natural world and see His handiwork – (Psalm 19:1-5)

·      Look at His word – for in it I will find answers to heartache and pain. (Psalm 19:7-13)

·      Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength – love others as yourself.  Deuteronomy 6:5

Could it be that what man has created in the 20^th century is just the latest, most powerful idol of our hearts, connecting us to all the little idols that have waylaid, confounded and confused in ages past?

 Let me post this to see what you think . . .

Stumbling in Faith

Disappointment, sadness and fear gnaw at my faith in God. Therefore, focusing – obsessing on –what isn’t working, hurting, or scaring me is not a wise use of time or emotion. But it is an impulse that seems as powerful as what drives lemmings to the sea.  That impulse can also be aptly described as “emotional flu,” according to Heather Koop:

Nothing’s wrong. Really. But nothing’s right, either. You think of numerous things you could do to lift your spirits. But some small, hard ball of rebellion in your chest resists the idea of trying to feel better . . . [It’s] having a pity party without a real problem. (When it Feels Good to Feel Bad)

Or, as is often the case, throwing myself a pity party because I can’t fix all the problems I see,  many of which I started.  

Mary Englebreit

Instead of owning my part in creating a mess, I can perseverate on what the mess is, to the point I couldn’t recognize a solution if I saw one.  Instead of cleaning up what I can and trusting God and others to do what He will enable them to do, I waste time worrying.

Then I wonder why nothing ever changes.

I get very clever about how I worry . . . repackaging it so it looks different. But the worry is always that little rebellious ball that resists turning things over to God today, including people. Worry won’t do just the next thing, and worry will not let go of what I cannot cure or control. Worry is a stupid habit – but there it is.

Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.  ~Spanish Proverb

Letting worry go into God’s hands is how things change. (Zechariah 4:6) It’s the only remedy for the kind emotional flu that debilitates and defeats my faith in a power greater than myself, who is infinite and personal. It may seem like a small start – again – but so is taking the first step away from a pity party. (Zechariah 4, esp. verse 10)

New Ways of Saying Old Things –Part I

  . . . I have a problem with religion or anything that says, “We have all the answers,” because there’s no such thing as “the answers.” We’re complex. We change our minds on issues all the time. Religion leaves no room for human complexity. (Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter, Parade, January 8, 2012.)

In my twenties, I wanted to have answers – answers to racism, poverty, and war. I seriously thought my generation could and would end all the pain.  So much for not knowing what God said about man and his complexities. (See Ecclesiastes, or Proverbs 30.)

Religion seemed impotent – having  no answers to human complexities I saw: the riots and Vietnam war – or the fall-out from “Free-love.”  Of  course I couldn’t say for sure how irrelevant it was, for I rarely attended any church. But when I did, I heard an Episcopal priest in Union South Carolina, a former IBM executive who had recently been ordained, speak of preparing for life after life.  That’s all I heard. 

Human complexity, meet death. 

Slowly, I came to grips with my mortality. Having read Dante, I knew about Hell and Purgatory. Was there no “Get Out of Jail” card?  Which religion offered the best price for such a card?

I attended the Episcopal Church again – even though its search of relevancy drove me nuts. Who in their right mind thought the General Confession needed a contemporary rendition?

A General Confession.

¶ To be said by the whole Congregation. after the Minister, all kneeling.

ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father; We have erred, and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against thy holy laws. We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; And we have done those things which we ought not to have done; And there is no health in us. But thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us, miserable offenders. Spare thou those, O God, who confess their faults. Restore thou those who are penitent; According to thy promises declared unto mankind in Christ Jesus our Lord. And grant, O most merciful Father, for his sake; That we may hereafter live a godly, righteous, and sober life, To the glory of thy holy Name. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer 1928)

What I needed to hear in plain language was The Declaration of Absolution, or Remission of Sins.

So, I wandered on – looking for a connection to religion and my life. But keeping it all to myself, lest I demonstrate ignorance on matters that never seemed to bother all those complex people in my life.

Because of family issues, I wound up in Al-Anon, and there met folks for whom a higher power was real, and operated quite apart from organized religion. This higher power, the god of their understanding, had no trouble sorting out the complex problems these folks faced. My new friends suggested I borrow their higher power until I found one for myself. 

Later I screwed up the courage to go to Bible Study Fellowship, looking for answers to questions my “complex” life generated. I still wanted to know what would happen after death – and how could I help our son avoid the snares into which I stumbled as a young person: drugs, sex and rock & roll. The Bible had the same answer the program did: I can’t, God can.

Maybe that kind of simplicity answer exasperates Mr. Radcliffe? It annoyed me when I did my first Fourth Step.  It still bothers me. But like Peter, where else could I go, but to God? (John 6:68)

 Solomon and Agur  -- (Ecclesiastes and Proverbs 30 and 31) -- didn’t pretend they had all the answers. But they had a few -- their simplicity explained many of the complex issues of the 1960’s, and a few of the personal issues that upset my family:

  “ . . . If you play the fool and exalt yourself,
               or if you plan evil,
                           clap your hand over your mouth!
For as churning cream produces butter,
               and as twisting the nose produces blood,
                           so stirring up anger produces strife.”  (Proverbs 30:32-33)

• ·      Whenever a man talks loudly against religion,-always suspect that it is not his reason, but his passions which have got the better of his creed.--- Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy.
• ·      Most people are bothered by those passages in scriptures which they cannot understand. But for me, I always notice that the passages in scripture which trouble me the most are those that I do understand. (Mark Twain)

Artwork  by Jim Sutton

Change of Plans

We hoped to be in Knoxville Tennessee. tonight. A winter storm changed our plans. Checking all the reports, it appears the wear long the route to Dallas may be dicey if not treacherous. So, we changed course and will lay low for another 24 hours.

Would that other decisions in life could be so plotted! Would that there were some spiritual internet that spelled out the cautions for the next twenty-four hours. With even a bit of warning, I could stay away from potential disagreements, trials or even troubles.

Wait a minute – what is the book of Proverbs if not a advanced warning system? What is Psalm 19, or Psalm 119?

Hmmmm . . .

Getting up-dated road condition reports from the on-line weather channel can save my life and may keep me from harming other drivers. Soaking in God’s word is a surer life saver – as well as a preserver against the carelessness that harms others. Knowing it, believing and trusting it means enjoying a straighter path home than any internet site can offer. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God, I believe; help Thou my unbelief.

Resolved: Be Like Ebenezer Scrooge!

You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far. ~Uncle Remus

Last night, New Year’s Eve, the news wasn’t great – wars and rumors of war, murderous storms, and looming economic woes swirled together. So, too, as 2010 expired, many of us wrestled with disappointment, age, grief and illness – but for one moment we who watched the television, held our collective breath, feeling a thrill of hope that with the dawn, things will be better. The glittery, lighted ball dropped, setting off the crowd’s building fervency into kisses and hugs and hollering, as the television cameras panned Broadway and 42nd in NYC. And I, too, experienced a rush of emotion that I, too, have a fresh start in a new year that portends better times.

This morning the mercy is I am alive – and that you are too dear readers. But as Uncle Remus observed, “[We] can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.” All the scary stuff that haunted me last year – the fears, doubts, worries, and bad attitudes – showed up as if on cue. So, on New Year’s morning 2011, while I know I can’t hide from troubles, I choose to face “trouble” as Scrooge did when he awoke and realized he had not died; it was still Christmas.

When he awoke that Christmas morning, Scrooge was changed, though his outer man was not. He still had the same aches and pains, the same list of self-made problems and problems beyond his control. But, Scrooge had resolved: "I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." So when he realized he had not died, he rejoiced exceedingly and immediately set out to do good, first to those he had treated so dismally – then to the larger community. He acted on what he had learned about his failures.

That’s the mercy of having a new day – even a new year if God permits. I can act on what I have learned – on what God has shown me: He didn’t die and leave me in charge! I am not in control of people, places or things. I can control myself, however, God willing. (Titus 2:12-14) Surely that is cause for rejoicing, exceedingly! My letting go of trying to be a god in other people’s lives may mean they are freed to seek the real God on their own. Or, not.

Will 2011 be a turning point toward personal peace and affluence – when wars cease, the rumors of war squashed, and nature subdued? Probably not. But this good day, January 1 on the 2011 calendar, is a gift, filled with new mercies, new opportunities, and the real help of an unchanging, infinite and personal God – Happy New Day!

“ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future . . .”

(Jeremiah 29:11-14)


Image source

Mary’s “Work” – Believing the Inconceivable

What did Mary understand after Gabriel spoke?

She understood that God would bring forth a living human being from a virgin womb – as He had said to Isaiah seven centuries earlier – and as the angel Gabriel declared to her.

What did Mary do? She believed what God said. ( Luke 1:38) Elizabeth, speaking for God declared Mary was blessed because of what she did – she believed God. ( Luke 1:40-45) Mary examined the fulfilled promises of God. (Luke 1:46-55) And she believed what seemed impossible but what was promised – she, a virgin, would bring forth a son.

Incredible! Inconceivable!

Yet, my religious convictions – which I call my faith – rest squarely on this promise, that God would bring forth a child whose conception was unique. (Isaiah 7:14; John 1:13) I repeated this conviction for decades before I confessed it:

“We believe in one God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

“And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds, God of God, Light of Light, Very God of Very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father by whom all things were made; who for us men, and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary, and was made man, . . .” (The Nicene Creed)

His conception was as unique as His mission, a mission defined by His name, Jesus – because he will save his people from their sins; Immanuel – God with us. (Matt 1:20-23) And, before a unique moment in time, I recited what I did not understand:

“. . . and was made man, and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate. He suffered and was buried, and the third day he rose again according to the Scriptures, and ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of the Father. And he shall come again with glory to judge both the quick and the dead, whose kingdom shall have no end . . . ” (The Nicene Creed)

Once a year – but every day – I remember that God, who so loved the world, gave His Son,

“. . . Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!” (Phillipians 2:5-8)

The longer I walk with Christ, the less I understand – and the more precious the examples of women like Mary become to me:

Believe God,
Remember His faithfulness when what He says sounds inconceivable; when what He asks looks impossible.

Mary exemplified what I can do when nothing makes sense – she believed in the One whom God sent. (John 6:29) And, still a virgin, nine months later she and her betrothed, Joseph, beheld her Son; a baby, named by Joseph, Jesus. ( Matthew 1:20-2:1)

“. . . And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father and the Son; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.

“And I believe one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.” (The Nicene Creed)

May God fill our hearts with the Hope that does not disappoint. Merry Christmas!

The painting is "The Annunciation" by Henry Ossawa Tanner  , an artist worth knowing!

Refreshment at a Food Court

Chase Bank in Ft. Worth wanted to take down a Christmas tree, lest it offend some – the Grinch is alive and well. But so, too, is the Spirit who has been stirring souls this year to form a praise choir that amazes, encourages, and dumbfounds their impromptu audience – first at a department store in Philly and then a food court in Canada: Handel’s famous chorus, sweeps over them. The opening chords literally silence folks who then crane their necks to pinpoint the music’s origin. Some rise and sing, others smile as they take photos – others sit quietly – even reverently.

What a blessing these sightings have been – and what a portender of how it might be when the Lord returns. We will be going about our daily business – eating and drinking, and suddenly He will appear – every eye will see.

Technology greatly enlarges our vision. Over 11 million hits on Youtube saw and heard the Lord praised:

Hallelujah! (Praise God!) sung 49 times Hallelujah!
For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth.
Twice His rule is described, and then explained:
The kingdom of this world is become
the Kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and of His Christ;
and He shall reign for ever and ever – a fact repeated three times.
And then five times, the choir says of Whom they sing:
King of Kings, . . .
and Lord of Lords, for ever and ever.

God help me not just to tear up and sing along with a powerful piece of Christmas "music."

It’s Never Too Early to Celebrate . . .

Last year the first outdoor Christmas decorations I noticed were the day after Thanksgiving; this year the lights were twinkling last week – two weeks before T-day.  Some folks have put up their trees and decked the halls. The stores here have been in gear for weeks.

I don’t begrudge anyone doing whatever it takes this year to spread a little cheer. We can use it – we need a little Christmas, “right this very minute!”  A favorite movie moment is Auntie Mame, having lost her job in the Depression, warbles all the delight the season brings, and is then is rescued by the soon-to-be love of her life.  But, when the scene ends, the  trappings go as quickly as they appeared – just like the  real-time light extravaganzas; cold dark nights rule – and the spirit is plunged again in deepening gray.

This year the Christmas lights seem to spotlight how dark the darkness is. This year, despite the lights, the darkness is more palpable. It seems the premature glitz is barely covering deeper heartache. Leaving aside the flood of bad news from cable news and talk radio – more of us have big health and financial problems that weren’t on the radar screen last year. A few of us have lost spouses and children, literally and spiritually.  It’s hard to muster  a “Ho-Ho-Ho!” from a heart breaking with grief and worry.

What is more unsettling, the decorations [still] ignore the manger – the humble holder of the light that will not  fail.  But, I know about that Light – in Him there is no darkness. (1 John 1:5)

God help me to see that blessed manager with renewed vision, choosing not to be impaired by fear,  frustration, sin  –or doubt.  May I sing a carol from Psalms, and mean it with all the gusto I put into the Hallelujah Chorus!

 . . . Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous [woman]. 
 
Good will come to [her] who is generous and lends freely,
who conducts [her]  affairs with justice.

Surely [she] will never be shaken;
a righteous [woman] will be remembered forever.

[She]  will have no fear of bad news;
[her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

[Her] heart is secure, [she] will have no fear;
in the end [she] will look in triumph on his foes.

[She] has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor,
[her] righteousness endures forever;
[her] horn will be lifted high in honor.
 
The wicked . . .  will see and be vexed,
he will gnash his teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.  (Psalm 112:4-9)

It’s never too early to celebrate His birthday –

Nightmares as Answered Prayer?

The dream has different scenarios, but the same theme – final exams loom; I am unprepared. and unable to find the room where the tests are administered;. I see my future flash in front of me – doomed. Though I have good grades in some classes, in at least two, I have cut these other so often, and done no homework,  I can’t even fake a performance – and the classroom is not where I thought it would be.

The panic that I feel as the dream unfolds  wakes me up, calling to mind how poorly prepared I am in many areas of my life – I cut one too many of life’s classes, maybe?

When I cut classes in high school – or I skipped lectures in college, I had fun stuff to do; when I skipped out on life’s lessons, I just thought I knew better. When I was young – ignorant of what made my little world so secure – my dreams and answers made sense; I quickly detected others’ foibles and failures, and knowing I would not make those mistakes, I skipped their lessons.  I quit listening to my parents, whose struggles were choking off any conversations worth having; I stopped going to church, shortly after my parents stopped going, and life seemed more real outside the stained glass. I pulled away even from friends when their choices looked too confining for my ambitions – me, the ruler of all I survey. And of course as a benevolent, wise  ruler, I would right all social wrongs I discovered. 

So, I wanted out of my life as I knew it – I remember the slant of the late afternoon sun on the lawn the day I decided to go as far in the opposite direction as all my friends went, and my parents seemed to value. And no one objected – or argued – or tried to dissuade me when I walked out. Only one person, my aunt,  offered a parting shoot: “If this doesn’t work out, don’t be embarrassed to come home.” When I reached the end of my search for the personal peace and affluence I craved, her words were a dim light on the rocky return path, I ‘m still traveling. 

Some of the classes I cut had lessons that I am glad I am not learning. Mastering denial, which many of my family did  because of alcoholism, is not a worthwhile life skill.  Nor, is pigeonholing people a commendable accomplishment. And it’s also unproductive to study with people who know about God, but haven’t met Him yet.  I am grateful for the make-up classes that God, though. My attendance isn’t always perfect – nor is my mastery of subjects like humility, gratitude, perseverance and compassion complete.

When my recurring nightmare of being lost and unprepared for a major exam shakes me awake, some might say regret and guilt are knocking. God knows, I have enough of them! So, I wonder if my Teacher has more lessons; I wonder  if the nightmare  is an answer to a prayer I say I like to pray?  

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

People tell me, “Be careful what you pray for.” But I have an upcoming final – not sure when, and don’t know where; all that I think I know, all that I have ever done will be tested. (1 Corinthians 3: 10-15) Since the Teacher is up all night, maybe we can review some? (Psalm 121)


Image source

Checking my Pulse:

Reflections Upon John Chapter 2

Autumnal vision can be skewed by memories and emotions. And I am worried and discouraged about many things – my own failures and limitations,  those of the church, and enemies who want to destroy America, and the church, literally. Reading through John’s account of the wedding and the Temple purging, I gleaned comfort when I saw an application for my changing age and stage. In this account, I see God in Christ drawing very close to His people privately to meet a highly personal need, and publicly to restore right worship.

Circumstances can rob me of joy. John endured many worrisome and discouraging circumstances. However, John believed God was faithful, and since he had a pulse, he had a purpose in a situation that the world might judge as a supreme failure.

• The Romans still controlled Jerusalem.
• He had been exiled, cut off from the churches he shepherded.
• Tradition says his face was plunged in hot oil.
• He had seen the Temple torn down, and the Jews dispersed.
• He knew many were persecuted for the Lord’s sake.

So,  John stayed focused on his mission – making Christ known so others might believe and have life in His name.  John wanted others to know that happened when Christ, Jesus of Nazareth, lived with His people as His hour came. John described when and why he and the others put their faith in Jesus of Nazareth, and why many did not.

Christ’s first miracle connected an Old Testament promise of fine wine, restoration and revival to a literal occurrence. “The beginning points to the end.” (Pastor Skip Ryan) Next, the Lord did something that took John and the disciples many years to understand. It was not a miracle; it was Christ’s  job. (Malachi  3:2-4) Nothing escaped His notice – including the heart of man. 

At my age, I can feel myself running out of many things I took for granted. At my age, I also know I can’t know all the sins that impede my prayers – and I can’t turn a blind eye to my failures and those of the church. (Psalm 130:3-6 )  How reassuring it is to read John’s account of the Lord doing what He came to do,  quietly, personally, and then publicly  – perfectly.

“But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.” (John 20:31)

Hurricane Season

Hurricane season usually runs from June through October. and the picture of  monster storms, one after another, churning and destroying is a picture that describes what is going on in the lives of folks I know.  Cancer is wreaking its havoc. In each case the disease blew up forcefully – unexpectedly – and is flooding people’s lives with cures that seem as deadly as the disease. Like a real hurricane that spawns other deadly events like tornadoes and flooding, cancer is not the only catastrophe these dear souls face. In the midst of one friend’s fight, the marriage of his adult child collapsed, and so did the ceiling in his home when their water heater malfunctioned. Another friend’s cancer battle erupted abruptly during a move and renovation of their new home – major surgery, major chemo and radiation all during the stress of remodeling. And I have several other friends with stormy cancer tales that blew up this summer! 

When bad times hit, and are compounded by the collateral damage of “cures,” or other disasters,   I can see why Job’s friends shut their mouths in the face of their friend’s anguish! (Job 2:13)  Even saying, “I am praying for you” sounds both feeble and presumptuous.

Many years ago, I prayed that God, who was not then my personal Friend,  would totally heal a friend from lung cancer, in part to show me that He was real and worth knowing. She was the same age I am now: 64. For  nine months she fought – and spoke very little of God. Her sister came and tended her. I think she was a Christian, remembering some things she said to me – she would be close to 100 if she still lived. But my friend died, and I got the idea  prayers  – my prayers – were pointless and powerless. For many years following I felt  unqualified to talk to God, other than sending “arrow prayers.”
 
In the face of so much suffering, I still feel “unqualified” to pray – and my prayers still sound both feeble and presumptuous. What has changed is that now I believe God is real and have faith, (though small as a mustard seed), that He in Christ is worth knowing – and moreover He receives all my prayers, and answers each one. (Isaiah 53:12) Moreover He Himself prays (Hebrews 7:24-25), asking  for things I have phrased poorly, or even forgotten to ask. As a father overlooks silly and ignorant requests from his child, God  sifts through my words, and gives appropriate answers.

Unlike Job’s friends, I have no idea why some of my friends’ storms are so severe. But, I will keep  watch with you friends, as we wait together for these storms to blow out to sea.  And I will enjoy God’s loving and purposeful rescue for you.   I am praying for you and yours   during these “hurricanes” that are bearing down on you, dear friends. But way more powerful is the truth  that  Christ the Lord intercedes , and His words are powerful, and purposeful.(Romans 8:26)

“Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” 
(Isaiah 46:4)

Art work:  Hurricane Season - Gavin Mayhew

Christmas Carols --Musical Mallets

I disposed of the Christmas mantelpiece arrangement tonight, leaving the three wooden kings and the angel out until Epiphany: three days hence. But I am still listening to Christmas music.Our cable provider offers more than a dozen music channels – and the one that has been of great comfort this holiday plays Christmas carols and secular music – from the Hallelujah Chorus to Spike Lee singing “All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth.” I have listened to it for three weeks and counting.

When the news got too grim, or, other programing too mind-numbing, I found classic carols, new ones, and quiet jazz arrangements of this glorious music comforting. How much greater their comfort as this holiday season closes – it’s as if I am sitting with old friends reminiscing how great the party was we just threw.

Those carols untangle the strands of memories – threads that hold glimpses of grief and joy firmly in place for months and years unravel when certain notes sound – and I am cast back to the times I first heard them. For example, with the first quiet notes of “Silent Night” I am in the choir stall one midnight Christmas Eve service; I look out and see the mother of my friend and fellow junior member. She is fighting back tears; her eldest daughter has given birth to a little girl, Annie, a child born with profound disabilities. At twelve I do not understand how a new born Child of whom we sing will help them.

For melodies that are so familiar, I am sorry to admit how poorly I understood what the Christmas carols were saying – thrilling to their poetry and music – but at a loss understanding what their message had to do with me.

Maybe that’s why Christmas is as much a time of sadness as it is gaiety? We see and hear joyful sounds, but have no joy. We eat glorious foods and are still hungry. Maybe that’s why the Puritans banned “Christmas?”

As much as I complain about its excesses, though, I am glad the Puritans didn’t have the last word. The music of Christmas weaves its magic with memories and expectations of a time of year that seems brightest because the shadows are deepest. Though the carols’ theology may be incomplete, they are a goad – possibly some will keep the treasures of the music in their heart, and ponder, how can this little Child help me?

Verses stayed with me – going into my heart, musical mallets in the Holy Spirit’s determined hand –

How silently, how silently
The wondrous gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His heaven . . .
O holy Child of Bethlehem
Descend to us, we pray
Cast out our sin and enter in
Be born to us today . . .

Coming to Terms with Time

Some birthdays are difficult to celebrate, for they bring an awareness of aging – a daunting prospect with all that attends!  I heartily concur with another woman’s thoughts:
   

    Come, thieving time, take what you must,
    Quickness to move, to hear, to see,
    When dust gathers near to dust,
    Such diminutions need must be,
    But leave, O leave, exempt from plunder,
    My sense of humor, curiosity, and wonder.

(An anonymous poem, from a 93-year-old  lady, given to her pastor in Washington DC church)

But a sense of humor, curiosity, and wonder aren’t always enough if facing  infirmity, loneliness  and death.

The first time I ever thought much about how old I was getting, I was staring at my reflection in a mirror - in Quito Ecuador - on my 23rd birthday; it dawned on me (finally) I was an adult – but the choices I had been making were not so wise. I had some decisions  to make, not fully realizing that growing up meant growing old.  That was the only birthday that literally troubled  me. Plenty of other times have given me pause to reflect on how quickly my life was passing – but not another birthday – so far.

About twenty-three years later, was one such time as I stood in the autumn sunlight of our dressing area, stunned by the realization that  “middle aged” was no longer an apt description of my age and stage. How it came to me was doing the math . . . doubling my age that afternoon I figured that put me well beyond what even Moses said was a reasonable  prospect of longevity. (Psalm 90:10) 

Another twenty years, or so, has passed since that epiphany – decades that brought all kinds of changes – the least of which has been aging: people whose lives I often took for granted died; new relationships have been forged – I have another “son” and “daughter” – gifts of grandchildren who will outlive me, God willing. Changes that seemed unthinkable have come to pass – wars, uncertainty, and a “normlessness”– anomie – that I thought only described post World War I; “unshakeable” foundations shook.  

When I first thought about growing older, I assumed I had time, time to dream and live those dreams out – time to make a difference  – I would make a major contribution to my world. And I would be very different from other women I knew! Twenty three years passed and  my ideas about what to contribute had changed; my desire to be so different has mellowed. Another couple of decades zipped by, and imagining the future is not as pleasurable as remembering how far God has brought me; I miss the women, my mother, family and friends, all from whom I wanted to be so different. And that sense of humor, curiosity, and wonder doesn’t overcome pain, loneliness and fear.

I read Isaiah 46:3-5 and am comforted by God, who is the God of my gray hairs – an important promise for one who decided to retire Miss Clairol.

“When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, GOD is rock-firm and faithful.”(Psalm 73:26 from THE MESSAGE ) 

Grateful for each day, then – even as my get up and go . . . diminishes . . . even with increasing limitations, I can with laughter, curiosity and wonder, pray: 

    . . . And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me,
    Until I declare Thy strength to this generation, Thy power to all who are to come.
    (Psalm 71:18)

    . . . Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.
 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. . .  (Psalm 51:10-15)

Eve’s Problem – and Mine

When the woman saw that the tree was good for power, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:6)

Eve was created to be in the very place I would enjoy: the delight of her husband, living in a glorious garden with no pests, and no laundry. Yet, when offered a taste of something God proscribed, that’s the very thing she went for – fruit from the tree of knowledge because it looked tasty –  and would make her wise. In fairness to Eve, the serpent deceived her, challenging her to question what God said. (1 Timothy 2:14)

Where I live isn’t excellent in every way – as was the garden where Eve first lived. (Genesis 1:31) I live in the aftermath of their free choice. But, it’s way more pleasant than what Eve encountered when she and her husband were driven from the Garden.  In fact, I enjoy many of its fruits; I am grateful for its bounty. But, too often I can be as complacent as Eve was, not stretching, as she might have, for the fruit from the tree of life. (Genesis 2:9) And so when I hear the question, “Did God say  . . . ?” I can slide into doubt if God really said what He said. If He didn’t, then maybe I can be in charge and do what pleases me?

At the root of my doubt is disobedience – mine or someone else’s. I will not do what I should do, and I embrace what I should not. Or, I stumble into doubt because another Christian sinned. The thought, “God can’t be real if He let’s this go on,” flits by, and sometimes I invite it in for a chat, plunging myself into dark waters. 

Though presented with a powerful deception, could not Eve have asked Adam about challenge, or, God? My question goes beyond what Scripture teaches – but it is a life line in the watery darkness of doubts. But, I must look away from the temptation and search for God. Longing to enjoy pleasure, and to be wise, I am so like Eve, unless I look beyond my sin, or the sin of someone else. And when all I can see is failure – it’s hard!

The tree of life was not hidden from Eve and Adam – nor, is it hidden from me because of the Scriptures.

    Wisdom . . . a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
    And happy are all who hold her fast. (Proverbs 3:18) 

Christ is not hiding from me. He is as close as I permit; like Peter, though,  I can’t always handle the closeness.   . . .  "Master, leave. I'm a sinner and can't handle this holiness. Leave me to myself." (Luke 5:8   THE MESSAGE ) And left to myself, I am hopeless! (Romans 7:24) Fortunately Christ never left Peter, nor forsook him, and so I have hope. (Romans 7:25- 8: 39)  

    God, God, save me! I'm in over my head,
    Quicksand under me, swamp water over me; I'm going down for the third time.
    I'm hoarse from calling for help, Bleary-eyed from searching the sky for God.
    (Psalm 69:1-3 from THE MESSAGE )

My hope: 

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. (Philipian 3:12 from THE MESSAGE )


Now, let me get on with the laundry.

Getting Out of Life Alive

Many have said death is not what scares them – it is what leads to it. Older women and men I have known are quick to affirm, old age is not for sissies – and the golden years come replete with much brass. If our minds stay clear, our bodies may not cooperate; if our minds fail, our bodies may survive.

Mrs. Palfrey, who took up residence at the Claremont, in the novel and movie bearing her name, did so to minimize the burden her aging and decline would cost her family – robbing them of an opportunity to come to terms with death. She confronted the end of her life in surroundings she chose, with strangers who became comrades. Some simply helped her manage the details of daily living, like sorting out appropriate dress. Others enabled her to reflect on all her life’s blessings. Yet, none could keep her from her final appointment.

Mrs. Palfrey’s winsome spryness, regret and loneliness engaged me – perhaps because if God permits I will be facing what she faced. Maybe you will, too? But God, who lent her life, was not her final comfort; William Wordsworth was – especially his thoughts from “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud.” Facing death, she remembered creation’s infinite delight – “. . . a host of golden daffodils . . . flash[ed] upon that inward eye . . .” filling her heart with pleasure.

If only the end of one’s life were so serene, albeit solitary. Is there not a comrade for this time for me and thee – a group of sympathetic companions whose words will fill our hearts – with more than memories of golden flowers that are here today, and gone tomorrow?

Surely, thinking on creation’s beauty is a tonic. Springtime – the daffodils – heralds hope; as Martin Luther observed, “Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection not in words alone, but in every leaf in springtime.” But what of autumn? Is there a helper here?

Isaiah spoke of One who knew us before our birth:

“. . . I will be your God through all your lifetime, yes, even when your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care for you. I will carry you along and be your Savior.” (Isaiah 46:3-4 TLB)

And the psalmist, a son of Asaph, knew Him, too.

“. . . When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, GOD is rock-firm and faithful . . . ”(Psalm 73:23-28 from THE MESSAGE )

Mrs. Palfrey, nearing the end of her life, sought solace in solitude; she found serendipitous companionship and poetry. She believed that she would never get out of life alive, and wanted to control her end. Approaching the home stretch of my life, I believe I will get out of it alive. I also believe that yielding control to Someone greater than I is how I will live.

"And as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, And at the last He will take His stand on the earth. Even after my skin is destroyed, Yet from my flesh I shall see God; Whom I myself shall behold, And whom my eyes shall see and not another . . . ( Job 19:25-27)

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Not Mantra, but Marrow!

To embrace is to draw close, so close that the fragrance and warmth of the person enfolded fills the senses on of the one who embraces. We enjoy embracing our loved ones, feeling their embrace and savoring their closeness. An embrace confirms our affection and reassures our hearts.

As Mary Magdela reached out the first Easter to touch the risen Savior, we, too, long to feel His touch. (John 20:17) If you could embrace the Lord Jesus today — feel the strength of His arms, the warmth of His love, and savor His closeness, would this “hug” build your faith?

When I think of what the Lord smells like, I think of fresh linen, and wood – rough hewn. But there is another smell – disturbing and frightening. It is the smell of death: His, and, as His follower, my own. Sheep have an excellent sense of smell – maybe that is why I am so prone to wander from Christ – I can smell the necessary death of something I cherish – my own way.

“I am crucified with Christ, and I no longer live . . .” isn’t just a mantra. It is marrow:Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20 from THE MESSAGE )

So, taking up my cross doesn’t mean sighing deeply and living with disappointment; it means putting to death, as on a cross, all my little passions: An ancient Roman cross where Jesus suffered and died was rough-hewn, splintering shards of wood into His back. When I embrace the Cross, it will cost all I claim is mine -- not just the "good things" that I enjoy toting around, like my husband, kids, education, work, etc. -- but it means letting go of resentments, disappointments, bitterness and frustrations, all of which have become such familiar traveling companions in my life's journey. It means letting go for it is not ultimately me who has been sinned against.

Maybe that’s why the Cross is such foolishness to people who don’t think our little indulgences are so bad? We don’t like smelling death. So, it’s easier to debate if Christ really lived; if God really is.

Escapism?

Is it escapism of the most pathetic proportions to live fixed on the future? The rewards that Christ Jesus plans for the church – (you and me) – are our deepest heart’s desires: Life, Peace and Purpose – eternal and free. (Revelation 2-3 ) But what good is future hope if today I am ensnared by a web of my own making, woven with circumstances beyond my control? (Romans 7:24) God says I overcome the snares when I listen; when I listen I hear His words; though sometimes His words seem unbearable, they are life, the sum of truth! (Psalm 119)

So, what do I listen to? I listen to the world’s future hopes, summed up in three words: personal peace and prosperity! (Proverbs 30:15) Or, I listen to myself – rehearsing, rehashing, resenting, resisting what is on my plate today. Is it any wonder I am so deaf – unable to hear hope’s whispers, especially the still quiet voice? (Isaiah 30:21) Complaining about my portion of daily bread is more deafening than any worldly hope!

Because God doesn’t give up, the Holy Spirit asks me why I invest so much in what will never satisfy – rehearsing, rehashing, resenting, resisting.

“Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I'm making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love." (Isaiah 55:2-3 from THE MESSAGE )

And that lasting covenant is mercy – free, unmerited, and unending! (Psalm 52:8)

When your heart hurts because of what others have done to you, remember His mercy. (Lamentations three, esp. 22) When your heart is hurting because of what you can’t rise above, remember His mercy which identifies with you, saved and redeemed you, and lifts you up and carries you. (Isaiah 63:9)

Is it, then, escapism to rest on such a promise, “pie-in-the-sky, by-and-by”theology?

Not if we trying putting the promise into practice! God’s promise can enable us to keep the greatest commandment, and overcome worship disorders and wrecked relationships – remembering from whence our help comes. (Psalm121:2) Christ told the churches that fulfillment of that promise comes from hearing – from listening to what the Spirit says, and doing it while there is time. (Revelation 2-3; Romans 10:17) But, you can’t hear His promises if you won’t listen! And listening hurts. No Christian can read Christ’s revelation to John and not recognize our own failure to love Him best, first, and foremost, and inability to care for others as much as we care for ourselves.

Which promise, then, – God’s, or the world’s – is escapism? Peter answered this question: "Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life.” (John 6:68) We have a hope and a future, right now. May our hearts hear what our ears miss! (Jeremiah 29:11)

Uprooted?

 We moved; uprooting ourselves from “the Free state,” we transplanted ourselves in the Lone-Star state, thinking we would return to Maryland. So far, the move has lasted four years – almost to the day. We have found good soil here: Texas has a “can-do” spirit I admire. Family and friends have tended us well here, and we flourish in many ways – grateful for our marriage, our health and our work here.

But, just as transplanting flowers late in the season is risky, our move may be risky.

To read more, would you uproot yourself gentle reader and go to About Me? I am tilling some new Ground.