Getting Things Fixed

Maybe it’s the season, Lent, but recent things on our to-do list seem like apt images for a few heart and soul issues – when life hurts because of stuff I can’t control.  

Yesterday we got two things fixed:

1.     A persistent, reappearing crack in our bathtub 

A Reoccurring Crack 

Repaired! (Almost)

– and

2.     The damage my spiffy Civic sustained when a driver misjudged the size of the parking space her SUV required.

Marred!

Repaired -- at an OH so Reasonable price! 

  

(Truth be told, we didn’t – instead, capable and affordable folks we were fortunate to find helped us. )

The initial repair bids for both the tub and the car were so steep, and the amount of time necessary to right the problems so long, we toyed with the idea of just ignoring the problems – they were, after all, minor – maybe, we could just live with their nuisance.  However, a  crack in a fiberglass bathtub meant the tub was out of commission. (We do have a separate shower.)  Those thin scrapes across the right back fender looked tacky and could invite rust to breed. Ignoring them would be the equivalent of walking around with a torn hem, or coffee stains on a white shirt!

So, Doug kept pursuing leads, and he found service providers whose talents dovetailed into the solutions to our problems without breaking the bank, and inconveniencing us for weeks.  What a relief!  

And then I thought about the willingness with which I can ignore stress fractures in relationships – caused by old injuries or new offenses.  How can I say I believe Christ walked out of the grave, but act like He has no power to heal the harm I did, or the pain I suffered?

Counting the cost, and remembering Who really paid – pays – all the bills I rack up is the first step in healing stress fractures, recurring or brand new. That's one way to observe Lent. 

The second is being willing to look for ways to restore and repair – beginning with me. (Isaiah 59:2; Psalm 51)  Other times, it is simply letting go of minor grievances, real and imagined, believing that God is keeping count of all my tears.  (Psalm 56:8)

We found affordable help, and fixed two nagging problems, so that we have the use of what we need and enjoy. How much more important are the relationships that God established?   

o   Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about. ~Author Unknown (See Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-35)

Other ruminations on Lent:

Making Lent a Way of Life

 American Idol, Season 11 and Lent

First Seasonal Warning – from the Dryer

Hang the weather – although it looks grim on the east coast. On the first trip to the washer/dryer early this morning, I discovered the small load I hoped to simply switch into the dryer was somewhat soggy – like the spin cycle decided to go home early. What was OK was the separate bag of unmentionables that is labeled wash by hand – but I not a hand washer. (I am a hand wringer!)

Figuring perhaps the little sack had unbalanced the spinner, I removed them and threw in a dry bath towel. Note the verb.

No . . . the spin cycle drained little water away.

The third time was the charm . . . however, this time I took time, and repositioned the few pieces. Perhaps we have dodged a repair bill – a ten years old dryer can be like me – some innards are flat out tired of doing the same old thing, and I may just not do what I need to do as hard as I need to do it.

The dryer may not need a tune up now, but I do.

As the flu buggies recede, I can see what needs doing, and a wave of panic is wearing out my motor as surely as the lopsided load unbalanced the dryer. I hate that sound -- like The Hulk is trying to break out of the dryer when I’ve crammed too much into the machine, or too carelessly. 

With all the down time, I managed to scour PINTEREST’s quotes and humor, and realize the past few days of enforced rest hasn’t been all bad. (I stayed away from projects, presents, and meals) I don’t want to go out of 2014 like the hulk.

I have no warranty on the dryer – but I found a pin I pass along hoping it keeps me in good working order for a while longer – and I hope it’s better than a shot of WD-40 for you, dear reader.  

 

Or, for the upcoming Holidays. . . 

Remembering to Forget

On June 18, 1913 my mother was born; she died on July 4, 1996. God was merciful to her, and to my father who died in 1978,  in that they died quickly – without enduring the pain many others suffer as they decline.   

The Spanish have a proverb, “Sudden death is God’s kiss upon the soul.” Perhaps it is so for the one dying – not so much for the ones they leave behind. Death overtook my parents before we could reconcile our differences.  Death closed a door; I was left with thoughts and memories I thought would shortly be sorted out. 

We think we have time; often we do. I did not.

 Today, readers, if you can bury the hatchet, do it. And do not make a map of how to get back to it.  

The View from My Window – A Well-Watered Garden

Thomas Fuller, said to have been the source of many of Benjamin Franklin’s proverbs, wrote in Gnomologia, in 1732, “We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.” I can see the worth every time I look out our front window!  One house across the street to my right uses an automatic watering system; the one to the left does not. On the left, the house’s lawn is burned brown; the lawn next door is lush green. Last summer, this was not so. 

But last summer in June we had not had so many days of triple digit heat accompanied by a relentless wind. That wind has made the heat tolerable for me, but it has stressed the plants and lawns.  The red maple we planted earlier this spring requires an extra weekly, sustained spray of water, though it’s getting watered twice a day by the sprinkler.

The view reminds me of the wonder of water in dry spells – and the news reminds me of the terror of a drought.  Literal droughts are dangerous, and spiritual droughts are as threatening.  Parts of Texas, among other states, are battling now the consequences of drought.  The smallest unintended spark has ignited harmful fires. 

Fights in the church are often more costly – burning up resources, and burning out pastors and other servants. (See The Cost of Conflict)

·      Born again Christians in the U.S. file 4 to 8 million lawsuits every year, often against other Christians, costing 20 to 40 billion dollars.

·      There are approximately 19,000 major, scarring church conflicts in the U.S. each year (an average of 50 per day).

·      32% of born again Christians who have been married have gone through a divorce, virtually the same percentage as our general population.

·      1,500 pastors leave their assignments every month in the U.S. because of conflict, burnout, or moral failure, costing the church at least $684 million each year.

Clearly, more than a few of us should check and see if we are rightly connected to the source of life and refreshment. (John 4:11, 7:38) Or we need to change our names! (Acts 11:26) Others of us should see how frequently we are being watered, and increase it.  (Isa 58:11)  Heat, drought and wind will wreck real gardens. Persecution, a dearth of sound teaching and unresolved conflict will cut a swathe through our Christian witness.

The class I’m teaching on peacemaking teaches me many everyday conflicts can be resolved; the view outside my window shows what ignoring conflict can look like.

God willing, you and I dear readers will be like well-watered gardens – repairers of the seemingly growing breaches in the walls of our nation, church and families. 

I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places —

                  firm muscles, strong bones.

You'll be like a well-watered garden,

                 a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,

                 rebuild the foundations from out of your past.

You'll be known as those who can fix anything,

restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,

make the community livable again.  (Isa 58:11-12 from THE MESSAGE.)

 

“It’s A Control Thing.”

That’s how a good friend confesses how he can generate unwarranted conflict.  And that “thing” is the root of how I can get so tied up in knots, and often the reason we all explode in angry declarations or in icy silences when conflict erupts. And many of us – even in the church -- go to great lengths to control people, places and things.  Such methods demonstrate a hard heart, and an unsoundness of mind; this type of control can generate needless conflict.

Not all conflict is bad – great solutions are often forged from opposing points of view. Frank A. Clark, a newspaper writer known as  "The Country Parson," wrote, "We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't. "

Humans disagree; we take different positions because we are many and varied. Conflict is part of life – it shouldn’t be surprise me.  (John 16:33) But it always does.

Recently, I’ve experienced two painful examples of folks going to great lengths to get their way.  In both cases the folks who asserted control inflamed a smoldering conflict and my feelings were singed because of how both chose to express their frustrations. (So also, others’ feelings were hurt.)

One person with “a control thing” kept a fight going after her death – using her will to pronounce judgment in a conflict that started fifty-four years ago.  Another person immortalized her displeasure with me in a public e-mail; when she hit “send,” she communicated the same kind of public condemnation as the will.   Both people had conflicts they sought to control instead of resolve. Both people wounded others who read their words.

But will their angry words gain them the desired control over the people and situations?  Did they “win” the conflicts because they got the last word?

The person who chose to get the last word in the will is beyond all that now, and I can’t be a part of resolving a conflict taken to the grave. How she did what she did, though, changed how I will remember her – robbing me of the assurance she was a friend. Painful as this is, her method of control reminds me, if I can’t overlook an offense, go to the person and talk it out.  If that doesn’t work out, remember what Thumper’s mom advised: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Now, the author of the very public e-mail achieved a measure of control – public scolding stings.  And I hope God will use what was written in anger, for good.  Though she insisted I never contact her again, I hope I have the courage, when God makes a way, to reconcile this painful breech.  

Letting go of resentment is a first step. A quote from a children’s classic wisely counsels how to let go of people, places and things:

 
"The horror of that moment," the King went on, "I shall never, never forget!"  

"You will, though," the Queen said, "if you don't make a memorandum of it. 

 ~Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass, 1872

A bigger step is remembering I don’t control other people.

• People are different and want different things. That’s the SPARK of conflict. 
• Differences get worse when sinful selfishness and pride drive our actions. That’s the GASOLINE of conflict. 
• Destruction results when we  . . . allow our sinful desires [to drive] our words and actions. That’s the FIRE of conflict. (Ken Sande, Resolving Everyday Conflict, pp 11-12) 

I say I am a follower of Christ – that means I know He did not die and leave me in charge. (Matthew 6:25-34)  Therefore, let go of anger!  “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." (Ambrose Bierce) And being willing to let go and let God act, listening before I speak – or write -- might dampen the embers of resentment and fireproof a few of our more combustible relationships.    

 "O that you would be completely silent,  And that it would become your wisdom!" (Job 13:5)

Where’d All that "Glorious Texas" Weather Go?

It always happens.

I get all my winter clothes sorted, cleaned and stored; my spring and summer clothes arranged and culled, and the weather changes from warm and balmy to chilly and damp. All that “glorious” Texas sunshine is playing hide and seek – quickly disappearing.

All my newly planted flowers look alarmingly defenseless as the squirrels are still burrowing for the remains of last years acorns. I shooed off one fat and furry fellow from the edge of the pot in which I hope the freesia will flourish.

And I am as thankful for our gas fireplace logs, as I was at Christmas a year ago.

“[S]he who sits by the fire, thankless for the fire, is just as if [s]he had no fire. Nothing is possessed save in appreciation, of which thankfulness is the indispensable ingredient.” (W.J. Cameron, an 19th century explorer and entrepreneur)

“. . . Nothing is possessed save in appreciation . . .”

My appreciation of my family’s safety is deepened by a recent photo of a young Japanese woman sitting, knees clasped, mourning, amidst the rubble of what may have been her home. So many Japanese parents lost their children, so many children, their parents – brothers gone, sisters, lost – the comfortable familiar is now a nightmare. Just as so many Haitians lost their families.

We live in days wherein the luxury of gratifying anger, nurturing resentment, or perpetuating misunderstandings is prohibitively expensive. The cosmos is too changeable – and life is too short to abuse the relationships God has established.

Some aids so you may more fully appreciate the folks around you:

A patient man has great understanding,
but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones. (Proverbs 14:29-30)

A man's wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11)

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
for anger resides in the lap of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9)

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27)

A link to an article really worth your time

Preemptive Peacemaking

http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2011/winter/preemptivepeace.html

It will take about twenty minutes to peruse -- but many hours to ponder.

Blessed are the peacemakers -- for they shall be called the sons of God.

Reconciliation

 

“It is preferable to separate rather than patch up our differences.” That conviction guided my upbringing and soured many relationships. When I became a Christian, I hoped never again to suffer broken relationships because of “differences.”

So, discovering that squabbles happened among believers devastated me; realizing that *I* had a bone to pick with some Christians blew my mind.   I had walked away from many people with nary a backward glance  — but leaving the relationships that Christ was forming was excruciating. Somehow, every time I tried to explain why I would no longer be speaking to so-and-so, I could hear the Lord clear His throat. The longer I persisted in avoiding a person, the more he or she came to mind, especially during the Lord’s Supper. My excuses were never sufficient “justification.”

Okay, Lord. What do You want?

 “Barbara, when you are angry with your sister, you shall be guilty before the court; and when you say to your sister, 'Raca,' you shall be guilty before the supreme court; and when you  say, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.” (Matt 5:22 )

  “Oh no, Lord — I didn’t mean she was a fool — just misguided.”

 "Barbara, if therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your sister has something against you,  leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your sister, and then come and present your offering.” (Matt 5:23-25)

“But, Lord, she is wrong about _______!”

"Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with her on the way, in order that your opponent may not deliver you to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.” (Matt 5:23-25)

 “Now, Lord, she started it!”

 “Barbara, it takes two to quarrel.  “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?” (James 4:1-3)

 “Uh . . . I just want to avoid any further arguments.”

"Barbara, if   you  remember that your sister has something against you —  real or imagined  —  leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your sister, and then come and present your offering.” (Matt 5:23-25) She who separates herself seeks her own desire. She quarrels against all sound wisdom. (Proverbs 18:1)

    “Lord . . .”

“My dear determined daughter, a fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing her  own mind.” (Prov. 18:1-2)

 “Well, what if  . . . ?”

 “Barbara,  refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. As my bond-servant, child, do not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses  and escape  from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” (2 Tim 2:23-26) 

 “But, Lord — isn’t that instruction just for ministers?”

“Barbara, if any man is in Christ, (she)  is  a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled you to Himself through Christ, and gave you the ministry of reconciliation, . . . God through Me was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to you  the word of reconciliation.” (2 Corinthians 5:17-19)

“My child you are an ambassador for Me; . . . ” 

“The ministry of reconciliation — that means settling *differences, Lord. And some of those differences maybe mine!”   

 An ambassador follows orders, trusting his sovereign to act. My instructions are make it right when quarrels break-out in the Body that Christ is  building. My instructions, like to any ambassador are to die to a personal point of view.

So, I have gone to sisters in Christ and asked forgiveness for *my* part in causing any separation between us. I went with Christ’s words in my ears: 

"Barbara, if you  remember that your sister has something against you —  real or imagined  —  go; first be reconciled to your sister!  (Matt 5:23-25) “She who separates herself seeks her own desire. She quarrels against all sound wisdom.” (Proverbs 18:1) Let me handle the next step.”

Lord, I believe -- Help thou my unbelief and help me to take that first step.