The Last Few Weeks of Autumn

It looks like this weekend will be a climax of color – and shortly the splendor of this year’s autumn will wane. The wordless evangelist across the street and many other oaks and maples on our street are bursting with colors that make me think of Septembers and Octobers around the Maryland! 

 

Leaves, Clapping their Hands

The fly in the ointment is that only a few days ago, I had all the flower beds cleaned and mulched – now they are perfectly prepared to be covered by all those autumn leaves drifting by my windows.

Timing has never been my strong suit.

But today is sunny and almost eighty – and I have the good sense to know this moment is a gift.

Beside me, a book is making an appeal – Finish me! Atul Gawande’s book,  Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, is the first book I ever tackled about the inescapable realities of aging and death. I am uneasily aware that it  might be a kind of  treasure map plotting out what I might expect. Thus far, I commend the book. Being forewarned many enable a wee bit of forearming.

Dr. Gawande includes bittersweet stories of real people, their families, care-givers and doctors trying “to solve a deceptively simple puzzle: what makes life worth living when we are old and frail and unable to care for ourselves.” (Page 92, emphasis added) And he has includes his experiences from India and other historical notes of how we arrived at the current crises of eldercare.

Old age really isn’t for sissies; nobody gets out of this life without hitting a few rough patches –and many of us face scary lonely stuff!  

I prefer to gaze at the autumn leaves.

·      Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you. ~Richard Brinsley Sheridan

·      God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown 

. . . He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired,

and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the LORD

will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

And guess what has blanketed the yard as I wrote?

Leaves . . .  

Falling Back

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Failure . . .

is hardly an upbeat word. Nothing good attends it – it’s depressing, demoralizing, and hard to recommend as an exercise worth embracing.   But Marie-Helene Bertino’s title, Failure As Muse, intrigued me; reading it invigorated me -- making me want to fail just because failure means at least I am trying.

A writer, above all else, has to cultivate a stubborn, impenetrable tenacity that listens to no earthly reason . . . Only when you neutralize the fear of failure can you have some real fun. “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter,” Samuel Beckett said, “Try Again. Fail Again. Fail better.” I’ll do you one better than that, Sam. Fail Spectacularly. Fail Bester. Is “bester” a word? No matter. 

So, fear of failure is not a reason for sidelining myself.  Fail I might, lose I do --  At least I was in the game, right?

For several weeks I have been trying to write an honest review of book whose title also intrigued me: Extravagant Grace: God’s Glory Displayed in Our Weakness,  by Barbara R. Duguid.  Marie-Helene Bertino’s piece on failure goaded me into discussing it, for it summed up why Extravagant Grace is both uplifting and convicting.  Christians can’t out-fail God’s plan for our lives, though “losers” we may surely seem to be.

The cup of cold water that refreshed me so was Barbara’s urging the reason for my hope – God is at work, in my doubts, fears and failures. My ups and downs are never a reflection of His feelings to me. They cannot change. (Extravagant Grace, p. 153) She states plainly,  “He is always at work in you, with or without your cooperation or permission, shaping you according to His will and his agenda.” (p. 106)

The conundrums of faith in Christ include: one,  being made a new creature, yet caught up in a wrestling match with my old self, that ain’t over ‘till it’s over. Another is that God is my trainer, encourager, referee and will fight for me when I can’t – or won’t.  I hate wrestling, by the way; so, the comparison of getting down and dirty with the monstrous me my old nature is, repulses me. And frankly, I get exasperated with myself, disappointed in the church and freaked by the world.  I want to quit the ring!

Marie-Helene Bertino urged discouraged writers, “Try Again. Fail Again. Fail better.” And, the author  Barbara Duguid reminds weary Christians that though,   “I will sin [fail to meet God’s mark] no matter what pathway God leads me down . . . but, my confidence and hope is his grace is greater than all my sin.  It is an unshackling from a relentless counting of wrongs, and takes away excuses for not moving into whatever God has decided is next for me.” (p. 199)
 

 “. . . at this very moment, you are exactly as holy and mature in your faith as God wants you to be. He cannot be disappointed in you or surprised by   you, if he is controlling the entire process of growth from start to finish. ”  (Emphasis added)(p. 48) 

So, “Try Again. Fail Again. Fail better.”


The wonder is an infinite, personal God is weaning us, like a mother weans her child, “ . . . from leaning to any supposed wisdom, power, or goodness in themselves; they feel the truth of our Lord’s words, ‘Without me you can do nothing.’” (P. 61)


 What part of “nothing” don’t I get?


Sovereign Lord is a wide description of a deep concept.   So, too is grace.

•  “God is not in heaven wondering how we will behave and how we will respond to temptation. He is governing every circumstance for our growth and benefit.” (p. 211) Though [my sin] can shatter [my] peace and joy, it can never separate [me] from God or pluck [me] from his heart or hand.  (p. 213)
•  None of us are saved by the correctness of our actions, opinions or  conclusions about sanctifying grace – we are saved by grace through faith that Christ died for us, while we were yet sinners. “But there is a day coming  when we all be perfect and complete and in wonderful agreement. Nothing can prevent that from happening.” (p. 227)

The questions at the conclusion of each chapter helped me dig up unproductive habits, hang-ups and hurts; they are a helpful framework for a spiritual inventory – a good tool for understanding how some things can go so wrong. Answering these questions confirms my stubborn attachment to sin – a costly and painful predilection that cannot defeat the love of God for His children. Though it can become a powerful weapon in Satan’s hands (pp. 165-164), and I will wound more than myself!  My poor understanding of God’s extravagant grace hurts many I love, especially my kids. (p. 170)

The good news of the gospel is precisely what gives us the courage to be honest about our sin without being undone by it . . . when we grasp the  gospel, we do not need to be afraid of what we find in our hearts [or others']  for God’s grace is far greater than all our sin. (pp 175-176)

Only when you neutralize the fear of failure can you have some real fun.  

 WORLD's Review

Cracking an Egg Efficiently

Because I have been taking a long sabbatical from news programs, I turned to cable “home-improvement shows” for a gentler window on the world. But I had to dispense with them.  By the time dinner rolled around, I was exhausted from rebuilding backyards, bathrooms, and overhauling kitchens, so invested I became in the plans and their implementation. Whew . . . I could barely get dinner on the table after supervising so much work! 

 Cooking shows similarly wore me out. I was surprised that for however many I watched, none of them changed my decades old approach to meal prep.  I did try following their suggestions for cracking eggs more efficiently. Guess what didn’t work?

 

So Much for a Better Way to Crack an Egg

Then I discovered that even the “how-to” shows had an agenda for reforming my worldview subtly, but  as persistently as talk radio and cable news. They do it by a type of shunning. Blurt out an epithet, espouse the wrong cause, or embrace the wrong worldviews and "buh-bye now!"  Since June of 2013, I see that popularity is no protection even for past failures.

Therefore, I see that Thumper’s mom was wise – she taught Thumper "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all....

So, I’m listening to even more Classical Music, and doing way more cross-word puzzles.  “Judge Judy” is my new television friend.   And I’ve gone back to cracking eggs the old-fashioned way.  

·      Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices — just recognize them. ~Edward Roscoe Murrow, 31 December 1955

·      Lord, help me not to despise or oppose what I do not understand. ~William Penn

·      "People simply disappeared, always during the night. Your name was removed from the registers, every record of everything you had ever done was wiped out, your one-time existence was denied and then forgotten. You were abolished, annihilated: vaporized was the usual word." - George Orwell, 1984, Book 1, Chapter 1 (Source)

*Other Source of quotes: QUOTEGARDEN.com

How About the Weather?

Last night, temperatures plunged in Dallas – the coldest night for May 2 in decades.

Up until recently, the weather has been a safe conversational subject – Henry Higgins thought so anyway.  (Act 3, Pygmalion, a.k.a. My Fair Lady) But now, it   seems a hotter subject than religion or politics; we may have a new triumvirate of topics that divide us.  Discussing the weather can quickly generate more heat than a summer’s afternoon in Texas. But, it’s chilly now, that’s sure – thanks to something that blew through.

Yes – the fake fireplace is crackling!

 Since science was never my strong suit, my opinion on weather is only that – my opinion. I don’t believe while we can destroy the planet – but we sure can make messes in our corner of creation that are without excuse – making life harder for other people, critters and plants.  We were supposed to care for creation – but trying to be like God hasn’t been working out so well for the creation or us.

An obliging voice  - perhaps because of his accent – offers a way that makes sense to me. Jeremy Irons shows us the consequence of all our carelessness, and is determined we can and must do better with trash disposal.   In an interview on the CBS Morning Show he said: 

"I don't believe we're doomed because I believe that human nature is extraordinary," Irons said. " I think we will be brought to our senses eventually. I think things may have to get worse. I think, I hope we will be brought to our senses. We're on a highway to a very expensive and unhealthy future if we do nothing."

"And gloomy future," Smith [the reporter] added.

"Well, the sun will still shine," Irons replied.

Looking forward – well, not really – but am confident that Mr. Irons’ new film,

TRASHED: No Place for Waste will be a worthwhile contributor to a critical conversation, no matter the weather.

Jeremy Irons' environmental documentary "Trashed" addresses the pressing problem of garbage. (Belnheim FIlms)

Insight

Insight is the ability to see with our hearts beneath a matter and understand what is not clearly apparent. It is both a talent and a gift – some gain it quickly; others learn it slowly, and a few of us never seem to have it. It paves the way for wisdom – and that is both knowing and doing what is right. 


The problem for me now, is having finally developed a bit of insight, the world in which I live is redefining “right.” 

I am coming to recognize that Jeremiah knew a thing or two about our hearts, as unpleasant as his description was – my heart is deceitful and wicked. (Jeremiah 17:9-10) Even when I do the right thing, it’s often for the wrong reasons. But, what is right if everybody can decide for himself or herself what right is?

And what now is wrong? 



The honorable Congressman from Texas, Louis Gohmert, recently became the poster child for how hard it is to describe right and wrong, mixing up gun control, same sex marriages and bestiality. It’s as if too many sound bites from talk radio, the pulpit, and House floor speeches were whirling around his brain and splashed out of an open mouth, ruining any hope of a civil discussion of how to control guns and protect people’s rights, while limiting dangerous behavior. 

And what do I mean by dangerous?


Especially now in light of a new ruling that young women of any age can buy a morning after pill without their parents or doctors knowing. What could possible be dangerous or wrong with that? 



• I think we risk becoming the best-informed society that has ever died of ignorance. ~ Ruben Blades 



Isaiah surely could see into the increasing confusion Americans face -- and his insight is keen:

What sorrow for those who say

that evil is good and good is evil,

that dark is light and light is dark,

that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter. (Isaiah 5:20)




My ongoing prayer:

• 


God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
  ~Author unknown, variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Neibuhr

December 31, 2012

 

The Christian’s HOPE is that death is not the end – and that our suffering has purpose and meaning in God’s economy. In her devotional Joni Eareckson Tada, a quadriplegic and breast cancer survivor, comforted those of us in tight places by commenting on Revelation 5:

Then one of the elders said to me, 'Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed.'  Revelation 5:5

Could this be the day the Lord returns, Joni wonders –

 . . .  If so, you will experience for the first time what it feels like to be pure and blameless.  . . . You will know family members and friends as God intended them to be all along, their best attributes shining brightly, and their worst traits gone with the wind.   . . .  No confused thoughts, no mental illness, no Alzheimer's disease.

She said:

. . . If you faced deep heartache and disappointment this year, take encouragement that soon the Lamb who sits on the throne - the Lion of the tribe of Judah - will triumph. Every tear will be wiped away. Let this fact encourage you for the weeks and months ahead. Commit afresh and anew to deepen your walk with Jesus Christ in the New Year, preserving for yourself "a rich inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you" (I Peter 1:4).

I am weeping this morning because a lovely acquaintance apparently chose to end her life in the parking lot of the gun store from whence she had just purchased a handgun. (A Tribute) She was a welcoming light as we relocated in Dallas – and offered counsel and friendship in that transition. She loved the Lord Jesus Christ – what burdens she bore that robbed her of strength to carry on, I cannot say. I know there were times God brought her to mind, and I did not follow through with a call.

Following through – and offering to bear one another’s burdens – is something Christ commanded, and Paul urged. (Matthew 5:41-42, Galatians 6:12) Following through, though, has practical applications we often miss in the busyness of each day.  It takes time we often do not have – or choose not to offer. It means sacrificing . . . giving up or giving overtime and stuff I don’t want to give up.

New Years Eve is a time to reflect upon how I spent my time – and how I will spend it, God willing.  Surveying all the suffering in the midst of joy boggles my mind and challenges my faith in an infinite, personal God. Knowing that people are angry at God because He permits suffering saddens me – especially when they ignore the Cross. Therefore, being reminded by one who has suffered, Joni, reminds me to look at Christ as deeply as I do all the inexplicable heartaches, the cause or end of which I cannot fathom.


Picture Source

A Thanksgiving Warm-Up

The news of the day – People still treat each other badly, and nature remains the force that mercilessly flattens us with little warning!  Although her panic helped neither herself nor those she alarmed, Chicken Little may have had a point – some days it really does feel like the sky is falling! But she ignored what could be plainly seen about the sky, and what was known about her companions.        

Recent and current events, coupled with some reading material have felt like “some things” falling on my head:

·      Four years of campaigning

·      The looming fiscal cliff

·      The Middle East’s issues

·      “Sandy ”

·      The morphing of the West Nile virus into a more virulent strain, and

·      Troubles in the lives of those I love

And books by my bed describe how bad things were for the Russian nobility in the early 20th century and how challenging life is for women in Afghanistan*.

Blam! Blam! Blam!

A suffocating impression taunts me, “Life is hard, and then you die.”  Life hurts: if not from our fellow man’s machinations, then from the destructive capacity of nature; or, worse, from my own blunderings.

The good thing is that when I lookup from my computer – I see the sky: nothing is falling – though this morning gray-white clouds are blocking the marvelous Texas blue skies. Then I see the gigantic oak tree: brown leaves highlight its green.  And I remember:

·      I believe a power greater than myself -- infinite, personal and knowable -- created this world and all that is in it as “good.” 

·      And, I believe because man rejected God’s rule, we have trouble; Adam earned for us God’s wrath; the natural world and mankind suffer.

·      Because we can’t work our way back into His favor, I believe God sent His Son to take the punishment we earned.

·      And I believe that God accepted this perfect sacrifice as an atonement for all the sins of any who will come under it.

·      He authorized a few folks to offer these truths and act them out  – from the prophets to the apostles, to preachers and teachers, and all kinds of disciples. The most persuasive remain those whose deeds and words match.

·      One day, nature will no longer be a terror to those who turn to Him. 

Until then, though it may feel like the sky may be falling, these sorrowful tribulations are not random acts of wrath – not if they get our attention before God remakes the heavens and the earth. Many have believed Christ is Lord and God raised Him from the dead. Alas, this message still hasn’t reached everyone yet. Unfortunately, many who have heard, don’t or won’t believe it. Unhappily, some of the messengers have muddied the message; and God’s enemy can blind and deafen hearts. 

But this week we have a whole day to remember what that power greater than ourselves has done, or permitted – including the scary stuff. Well, we did until somebody got the bright idea to make money off our national holiday!        

Chicken Little’s panic helped neither herself nor those she alarmed.  Eating too much, power shopping at weird hours isn’t going to make Christmas merrier or the New Year more prosperous. But practicing an attitude of gratitude might. Thinking about who this “power” is  -- looking up, and seeing the stars – takes time. So does taking the time to look at our companions, and look out for them, especially if their lives seem under siege.  Time redeployed from worry and self-absorption to loving God and our neighbors as ourselves is time well spent.  

I am grateful to God, the masterful Gardener, who has preserved my life thus far. My hope is to finish well the life God has lent me.

Hope is hearing the melody of the future. Faith is to dance to it now. Rubem Alves (A Brazilian Theologian)

While it is wise to accept what we cannot change about ourselves, it is also good to remember that we are never too old to replace discouragement with bits and pieces of confidence and hope. -Elaine N. Aron,  The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

(Psalm 27:13 -14)

*Former People: The Last Days of the Russian Aristocracy, by Douglas Smith; In the *Land of Blue Burqas by Kate McCord)

I’ve never lost my temper

 

. . . because I know I still have it! 

Just when I think patience and self-control may be resident qualities of my character – life’s little adventures remind me though my fuse is a bit longer, it’s still combustible. Most recently, on another beautiful spring morning, facing no pressure except to get on with my day, a glitch got me – and I got mad.

My computer kept locking up; several times the tiny psychedelic ball whirled interminably, refusing to let me do what needed doing. After what seemed like the fiftieth time, I called the store to make an appointment. Apple’s automated answering machine boasted it could understand sentences – so, feel free to be specific about my problems.  I then was directed to schedule the appointment on their website.

“He-e-l-l—l-o I can’t get to your website; my computer is malfunctioning!”

 Why get so angry at an inanimate object?  It’s not like a computer cares that I am going nuts.  And yes, I yelled this into the phone, even as I knew Doug and his computer were nearby. He calmly scheduled an appointment later in the afternoon.

Then, I got on with my morning, and arrived at the Dallas Pregnancy Resource Center to be a Christian volunteer. There I found the receptionist on her knees, fiddling with the office computer. This larger and older inanimate object had also frozen up, and her considerable translation work was held hostage, threatened with erasure if she had to crash the computer – she was praying aloud while pushing buttons.

Frustrated? Yes.

Fuming? No.

And when the screen came back on, so did her work – and she praised the Lord, who is always good.  

Was there an object lesson here?

Later at the repair place, when the technician ran a diagnostic test or two, she stated the hard drive was OK, and suggested reloading the operating system.  Given my outburst –yelling at a computer – and the object lesson, maybe, I needed my operating system reloaded? (Psalm 139:23-24)

Anger is a risky emotional component in my character.   After all, as some wise soul observed: Anger is one letter short of danger.

What’s dangerous to me threatens others, too.

Will Rogers observed, “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”  Giving into anger can harm more people than me, just as planes that make bad landings can hurt more folks than the pilot. (I Pushed Jesus!)

In my time, I have banged pans, smashed glass, slammed doors and banged cabinet doors shut – and I have yelled, removing all doubt I lost my charm – and some brain cells! It seems indulging frustration is like losing my mind – literally! The Roman poet Horace warned, “Anger is short-lived madness.”   Now science has quantified that an angry outburst destroys brain cells – definitely a diminishing asset at my age!  Therefore, this adage bears repeating:

Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.  ~ Author Unknown  

Apple’s computer-generated voice remained unresponsive to my angry outburst: I can’t access your website! 

I wonder what God’s response might have been, if, like my friend, I had prayed instead of fumed? I know Doug ’s morning would have been more serene. 

She that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and she that ruleth her spirit than she that taketh a city. (Proverbs: 16:32) – Or, in plainer language: It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city. (The New Living Translation)

Have You Seen a Five-Legged Dog Recently?

 

I don’t know when or why he said it – context can be crucial. However, its common sense quotient is refreshing: 

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?  Four.  Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.  ~Abraham Lincoln

 Just because [they] say it doesn’t make it so, has been a handle I used to evaluate the accusations and excuses an alcoholic  I know once made – but it’s one I forget to apply when I hear talking heads pontificate about pornography.

We could defuse arguments about pornography by depicting Christians who object to its uses as puritans: You know, people who are haunted by the fear that someone somewhere is having fun.  Or, we could agree with Garrison Keillor  when he described his ancestors, Puritans from England, [who] came here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.  But even secularists aren’t laughing so much about the cultural fall-out from everybody – including young kids --  being one-click away from hard-core material!

Some may see access to pornography as their their Constitutional right; others see it as an industry rich enough to help wipe out the US debt, and deadly enough to ruin and destroy generations of people. One source states: Every second - $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. Another source declares:

A growing body of research suggests that the habitual use of pornography—especially internet pornography—can damage people of all ages and both sexes, negatively impacting their relationships, productivity, and happiness, as well as their ability to function in society.

The debate over the growing dependence upon pornography could just be a debate secularist values versus religious  values. Religious citizens who call pornography a societal evil may seem to citizens whose values are secular as mistaken as those who would call a dog’s tale a leg. My worry however is what we are calling pornography within the Christian church.  (Audio link on a talk I gave on sexual purity )

Things haven’t gotten better in the three years since I prepared the teaching on 1 Thessalonians 4 & 5.  Nor have our excuses:

–      I need to know what the culture is saying or doing so I can be a better minister of the Gospel;

–      It is after all, art . . .

–      I am living a chaste life – abstaining from unbiblical sexual relations;

–      High school is R-rated;

–      I just want to know what my husband (or, boyfriend) is watching

–      It’s not hurting anyone but me;

–      I can handle this . . . 

We can call our use of pornography a ministry tool, an aide to abstinence, the reality with which we all must live, or even a harmless pleasure we can manage. But the reasons we give for enjoying pornography don’t change its nature or power. Malcolm Muggeridege knew he couldn’t handle it:  How do I know pornography depraves and corrupts? It depraves and corrupts me.  (The power of pornography )

Calling it art is as silly as calling that dog’s tail a leg! That dog won’t hunt!   (What the Bible Says about Pornography )

Being “mature” is no more an immunization against pornography’s downward pull than innocence is a safeguard.  Clicking through the TV movie guide the other night, a jaw-dropping and graphic sidebar preview of the movie shocked me; I looked at it, and so burned an image in my mind that was not edifying.  But I didn’t open it. (That time)  Its thorny memory reminds me pausing on any slippery slope to enjoy a view isn’t safe or smart.  

It is impossible to tell the full result of sin, just as it is impossible to tell which snowflake will cause an avalanche (The Daily Walk Bible)