Stumbling in Faith

Disappointment, sadness and fear gnaw at my faith in God. Therefore, focusing – obsessing on –what isn’t working, hurting, or scaring me is not a wise use of time or emotion. But it is an impulse that seems as powerful as what drives lemmings to the sea.  That impulse can also be aptly described as “emotional flu,” according to Heather Koop:

Nothing’s wrong. Really. But nothing’s right, either. You think of numerous things you could do to lift your spirits. But some small, hard ball of rebellion in your chest resists the idea of trying to feel better . . . [It’s] having a pity party without a real problem. (When it Feels Good to Feel Bad)

Or, as is often the case, throwing myself a pity party because I can’t fix all the problems I see,  many of which I started.  

Mary Englebreit

Instead of owning my part in creating a mess, I can perseverate on what the mess is, to the point I couldn’t recognize a solution if I saw one.  Instead of cleaning up what I can and trusting God and others to do what He will enable them to do, I waste time worrying.

Then I wonder why nothing ever changes.

I get very clever about how I worry . . . repackaging it so it looks different. But the worry is always that little rebellious ball that resists turning things over to God today, including people. Worry won’t do just the next thing, and worry will not let go of what I cannot cure or control. Worry is a stupid habit – but there it is.

Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.  ~Spanish Proverb

Letting worry go into God’s hands is how things change. (Zechariah 4:6) It’s the only remedy for the kind emotional flu that debilitates and defeats my faith in a power greater than myself, who is infinite and personal. It may seem like a small start – again – but so is taking the first step away from a pity party. (Zechariah 4, esp. verse 10)