Proof?

I am looking for proof – something unmovable and strong that will support my death and make sense of my life; some thing –concrete evidence that as it sustains me, like food and drink, will make sense so others will have an “Aha!” response.  The search becomes more pressing as the days whiz by – I am approaching the end of my life and I want to know if it will be the beginning of a new life. I may not have all the time I need to discover the evidence, however,  if news reports are credible there is a band of folk who relentlessly  wish to quicken my sure demise – terrorists who believe their God wills it.

So, in addition to reading the Scriptures, I read about other people’s search; the most disturbing one has been  Walking Away from Faith: Living with Doubt & Unbelief  by Ruth Tucker; the most recent book has been  The Rage Against God: How Atheism Led Me to Faith by Peter Hitchens. Both authors describe experiences, their own and others’. My search is not unique. Nor, are my doubts and fears when I pursue the God of the Bible.  

Bible study always raises as many questions as it answers – which is why  The Gospel According to Moses  by Athol Dickson was helpful:

    “God loves and honest question. . . if I feel a need to ask a question because of a loving desire to draw closer to God, I should ask as many ways as possible, even if the only answer is repeated silence.” (pages 17, 26-27)

As a brand new Christian, I talked often with my pastor, William Mahlow. I think back to what he said to folks who wanted to know if God were real: Read the Gospel of John. You will have an answer – the question, then, is what will you do with that answer?

On such a pink cloud, I was I could not fathom how anyone could question anything about God. Getting walked out into a desert or two – watching others go through their deserts – however, can generate a few questions. So, too, seeing each other stumble in the trek, harming each other can raise doubts that God is infinite and personal.

I am studying the Gospel of John, again, and am working through chapter 6. John described  Jesus as clearly infinite and personal when He

•  fed 5000 people from a few loaves and fish
•  walked several across a stormy sea
•  confronted the Pharisees with a challenge that offended many disciples
•  comforted the twelve who remained.

Is this the proof for  meaning in my death and life? The answer remains a question:
      “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.” (John 6:68-69 TLB)