So, in addition to reading the Scriptures, I read about other people’s search; the most disturbing one has been Walking Away from Faith: Living with Doubt & Unbelief by Ruth Tucker; the most recent book has been The Rage Against God: How Atheism Led Me to Faith by Peter Hitchens. Both authors describe experiences, their own and others’. My search is not unique. Nor, are my doubts and fears when I pursue the God of the Bible.
Bible study always raises as many questions as it answers – which is why The Gospel According to Moses by Athol Dickson was helpful:
“God loves and honest question. . . if I feel a need to ask a question because of a loving desire to draw closer to God, I should ask as many ways as possible, even if the only answer is repeated silence.” (pages 17, 26-27)
As a brand new Christian, I talked often with my pastor, William Mahlow. I think back to what he said to folks who wanted to know if God were real: Read the Gospel of John. You will have an answer – the question, then, is what will you do with that answer?
On such a pink cloud, I was I could not fathom how anyone could question anything about God. Getting walked out into a desert or two – watching others go through their deserts – however, can generate a few questions. So, too, seeing each other stumble in the trek, harming each other can raise doubts that God is infinite and personal.
I am studying the Gospel of John, again, and am working through chapter 6. John described Jesus as clearly infinite and personal when He
- fed 5000 people from a few loaves and fish
- walked several across a stormy sea
- confronted the Pharisees with a challenge that offended many disciples
- comforted the twelve who remained.
Is this the proof for meaning in my death and life? The answer remains a question:
“Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.” (John 6:68-69 TLB)